What's the right time for Baby time?
- Carolyn L
- Jul 23, 2018
- 3 min read
All my life I've been a baby person. I liked kids from such a young age and was already caring for them so early on that I think my parents always secretly feared I might get pregnant on purpose while I was still in school. Any time there was a baby in site, it wouldn't be long before it was in my arms and I was helping give the parents a break - even when I was still a ‘baby’ myself. I've always been drawn to kids and vice versa.
At six years old I remember traveling to the US with my mom and sister from Frankfurt and helping a mom who was traveling alone with twins take care of her six month old
daughters. I was carrying them around the plane keeping them entertained and rocking them to sleep so the mom herself could get some rest. To me it was natural and I couldn't have found a better way to spend my time - on a plane or not. My dad at times would get mad - likely because he wanted me to enjoy my childhood - but I was always beyond my years, even babysitting children my own age, because I was trustworthy and had that responsible motherly instinct so early on.
Fast forward twenty plus years. My husband and I made it through school without getting pregnant and then made it to our wedding. Now that it's socially acceptable, we face the big question: when should we stop preventing pregnancy? It's a difficult question. I love kids and I would have had them years ago but reality is a scary thing. Not to mention, once the decision is made, there is no going back. Questions that are constantly looming are: Do we have enough money? Am I far enough along in my career? Are we financially set enough that if going back to work right after maternity leave isn't for me, would we be able to survive off of only one income? What would not going back to work do to our marriage? What would going back to work do to me and my desire to raise my own children versus just putting them to bed every night and letting them get away with bad behavior on weekends out of self guilt for not spending enough time with them? What if I'm asking all these questions and waiting to have kids and by the time I decide we're ready, I'm unable to?
The other weekend I took part in a charity 5k and a friend of a friend said don't wait. It'll never be the right time. You can't plan these things, you just have to let nature take its course. She spoke about how she waited to have her second child and regretted it because in the end it never happened. Of course when I told my husband about the conversation, he said well let's just do it. He's been ready - or thinks he's ready - since we got married. And while I wanted to say yes, my realistic side still stopped me. For whatever reason, or for not rushing life experiences and enjoying our marriage, or for all of the reasons/questions listed above, I've given myself a grace period of being married at least a year first before committing to the next stage in life. That said, we've almost been marry a year so even though I talk about it as though it's far away - it's just around the corner. And while I know my life will by no means be over - in fact, while challenging, it will likely be much more rewarding than it is now - I question if I've done everything I really wanted to do for myself in the pre-children stage of life.
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